Your Offical Source for Free Lacan*

I am finally doing something besides waiting tables (and watching Top Chef! In an effort to curb the overwhelming listlessness that had come to dominate my days I got an internship with the publicity department at a publishing company. I am still working at Aroma in the evenings of course, but it's a little change!
In my three days of interning I have filed, copied, researched and done both paper and electronic mailings! Oh internships! Padding resumes since 1863.* Also, they pay me the staggering stipend of ten dollars a day! Which is taxed. But the perk of all this is the endless supply of free books. Of course only books published by the company, but there are some good ones in there. Lots of really great poetry. So if you're nice maybe I'll set you up with a spicy volume of Adrienne Rich.
I am sort of still figuring out the sleep thing with working nights and then the next morning as well. Also the business casual or "office casual" dress code. Are all non-denim pants acceptable? Are there any affordable business clothes that aren't made of that cheap, flammable polyester? What skirt length separates business from business?
Ok. It's time for work again. But really now that I am getting my life on track, this blog thing is totally gonna blow up. I have been thinking about making it a little more thematic. Perhaps the real reason that I never update is that the possibility of subjects is too broad. So please let me know which topics you, my loyal readership (probably consisting only of Devin at this point), are most interested in hearing about.


*actually there is no reliable information on the history of internships on the whole internet. I checked. One of my now marketable skills is research.

Not Close to an Update

I spilled coffee in my underwear drawer today. It seemed like a low point but since it's the only thing that really happened at all today I guess that's an overstatement. It is neither high nor low. Looks like I'll spend the next few days washing my delicates in the sink. I am in a rut.

New Apartment and a World of Possiblity

Post-Potter Depression

Graduating from college didn't really leave the expected impression on me. It was sort of an anti-climax. I felt the same as I did during college. Except everyone started asking me what I was going to do next. Since I am doing exactly the same thing this question doesn't really bother me (right). However, finishing the final Harry Potter book around 7am today has left me with a sort of empty grown up feeling. Unlike college, which was sort of disjointed and alienating for me, Harry Potter has been a consistent part of my life since I was sixteen. Sure there are lots of comparisons about loss of youth I could make, but part of me feels like the up-all-night joy and excitement I got from reading Harry Potter books is gone forever. While I will probably read anther book that makes me want to stay up all night rather than put it down, I will probably never go to semi-illegal ends to obtain a book before its release date again. And I will grow old my hair will fall out and I'll start eating pureed foods and squinting to see the typeface in a book late at night. Sigh. Today it seems like I can see lines and discolorations on my face. It's probably only from staying up late, but it can't be long until I really do start to get old.

Still Life With Packing

Yesterday my lease started on my new apartment. I still have a couple weeks before I have to be out of my old place but I don't even know where to begin the moving process. As you can see my current organizational system is a bit haphazard (not pictured: desk surface covered in tea cups and ATM receipts, milk crates full of books). What if I pack clothes and then want to wear them? That ALWAYS happens to me! And because I haven't really figured out what I am going to do for a bed (this IKEA frame is not transportable) or a dresser (currently I am without, clearly) I am sort of spending time staring at empty suitcases rather than packing them. Sigh.
Additionally, I would like to issue a general call to all New Yorkers with unwanted furniture. We need chairs, bookcases, tables, little shelves for the bathroom, a broom... And we aren't really in the financial situation to be picky so lay any crap you have on us. After scouring the internet all day it seems like I might be re-entering the vicious IKEA buying cycle for bed and drawers. I am sure many of you are familiar with the way all of their reasonably priced furniture falls apart if you try to move it. And of course IKEA furniture is the only kind you can afford while moving so you buy more. They have us all by the throat. I'll get you next time, you Swedish mongrels!

Season Update: Summer 2007

Still at the beginning of the summer, I feel a need to reflect upon and update anyone who might still read this about recent and coming changes in my life. Because chronology is overused, this update will be alphabetical.

Angel Cards My friends Ella (who used to live down the hall from me) and Kendra (who used to live in the room next to mine in the same apartment) both have little boxes with small slips of cardboard called Angel Cards in them. The idea is that you take cards from the box and the words printed on them tell you something about your life and what you should be thinking about and working towards. Last night Kendra and I drew three angel cards each and it seems that the angels are feeling particularly serious. Whereas many or maybe even most of the cards have positive words on them (joy, abundance) I drew the words "purification," "courage" and "surrender." I guess if it was surrender to joy, I wouldn't mind so much. But it seems like I must have the courage to surrender to purification. Or I must surrender to a purification of courage? But basically, the angel cards seem to be saying something I already know, that I am in a sort of difficult place right now (needing courage to make decisions) and that I should word towards a more healthy fulfilling lifestyle (purification) and that stress and anxiety is not the way to handle it (surrender).

Beach I was off all week last week so in addition to going to see my parent and not writing a lot of blog entries, Josh and I went to North Carolina where his parents have a house on the beach. It was just wonderful. I have come to realize that I am one of those people who likes having plans so much that I can often make plans and stress out about them rather than enjoy myself. But I was completely relaxed the whole time we were there. We went body surfing, mini-golfing and played trivial pursuit. We even rode on jet skis! And we saw wild horses! It was fantastic. The beach... is wonderful. You should all go.


Birthday In just over a week, I will turn twenty-four. It's exciting because twenty-four is such a nice even number. And it doesn't feel very old yet. But twenty-three has been a particularly nice age to be. And it will be a bit sad to leave it behind. BUT... there will be celebrating. So if you're reading this from New York, I intend to have some sort of low key, bar-type thing next Friday (the 20th). If you're in Boston, my parents are throwing a party for me (because of graduating really, but there's going to be cake so it probably counts for birthdays too) on July 28th. You're most welcome to either or both events. And if you don't live in Boston or New York and you want to come (!) let me know and you can stay with me if you want.

Exercise In addition to my somewhat abortive attempts at bike riding, I have begun to do yoga again. Although I often feel like my abs are too sore to laugh deeply it's good to not be such a lump. (This photo is called "Lump of Meat on a Stool")

Moving I mentioned in my last post that I am moving to Park Slope. In fact, I get keys on Sunday! It's really exciting to think about having all my things and myself in the same place for an entire year (I signed a year lease so it's basically guaranteed). Richard, my good friend from high school and beyond, is going to be my roomate. And I am probably going to paint some part of some wall yellow. So exciting! If you're looking for a room in New York or trying to get rid of some furniture or wondering if you could sew some curtains for me (the answer is yes and I won't even charge you!), let me know.

Work I am still only working at Aroma (serving food and wine) as of right now. I have been looking and applying for jobs somewhat casually, but I have come to realize in the last week or so, that I don't really want to do a job I find boring. And I don't really have to. I have pretty much resolved to stay with Aroma basically full time through the end of the summer. During the days I am trying to get back in the practice of writing (which means more updates!) and editing some stuff I have written before to get a portfolio together. The idea of pursing a career as a writer is a little frighteningly uncertain, but I feel like I have an opportunity to do this now that I might not have again. And I'm actually excited about it.

Biking Accross the Atlantic

This is my new bike. This picture was taken only moments after my parents gave it to me (those curious about what I wore to graduation can now rest easy). It's very nice. And actually very fancy. So far I have only fallen off of it twice. And I feel confident blaming others- specifically reckless motorists- in both circumstances. The only problem with my bike is that it may be too nice. I am afraid to take it anywhere because it seems like a prime target for theft. And also there are hills here.
Not to seem totally lazy but this whole elevation, multi-gear biking thing is a lot of work. The bike I received for my tenth birthday was a ten-speed (or maybe more, who knows?), but honestly I never used it that much. And I certainly didn't use it to go long distances. After my beloved rental bike from Amsterdam, the adjustment to shifting gear has been difficult. Coupled with the fact that cars are oblivious, and sometimes antagonistic, toward cyclists I have to say that biking here just isn't the same.
But in just a few days I will begin moving to a new neighborhood in Brooklyn. For the non-New Yorkers among you, Park Slope is known as being a sort of mecca for young families. I am hoping this will mean lots of courteous and careful drivers. Unfortunately it certainly means a big hill throughout the neighborhood (hence "slope") but in the long run this will only make me stronger.

Permanent Standby

Ah, graduation. It's over and gone now and I am beginning to settle into my remarkably boring post-grad life. A life dominated by staying in bed reading science fiction novels until two in the afternoon and working at an increasingly slow restaurant in the evenings. Not even really taking the time to go to my computer to look for jobs or apartments or even update my blog (apparently). So basically my life is just the same but without the excuse of school for not getting things done.
I put perennial effort into buying a plane ticket to Amsterdam before everyone over there starts moving away. Sadly this seems less and less likely. In my most recent search, flights to Australia were cheaper than flights to Europe. I guess that there is less demand for them since it's winter over there, but pure fuel economy would seem to require flights that long to cost a LITTLE more, right? Anyhow I keep looking, hoping that something crazy will happen to make flights really cheap. Like an entire crew team scheduled to fly to Schipol for an international competition will have to cancel due to a mass outbreak of food born illness (the kind that doesn't do lasting damage) and suddenly there will be like twenty tickets they need to sell off fast and cheap. In fact, it seems like there should be some sort of list you could put yourself on. Like "permanent standby" or something. So they can give you like one days notice and you will take a seat canceled at the last minute for half the cost. Perhaps tomorrow I'll see if I can get on that list. Yes. First thing.

Wholesale Sunglass Bonanza

(Sort of) Done!

After six months (or three years) of worrying about it, I completed my colloquium on Wednesday evening. And I passed! So I do have to write some papers to complete my credits, but it looks as though I am actually going to receive a Bachelor's degree in a month. Wow. And then I'll have no excuse about not updating this blog more often.
My colloquium, which for those of you I haven't explained it to is a one and a half hour conversation with three faculty members, was on the possibilities of radical gender performance in cyber-mediated relationships. And I think it really went well. I could have been more sharp with Aristotle, but who couldn't use some sharpening on Aristotle really?
But Ryan orchestrated a wonderful and impromptu celebration (thanks!)that involved close to a hundred balloons and karaoke (of course). If you didn't make it (and really there were only five of us) we'll have to celebrate the next time I see you. You'll notice that Josh had a good time.
So I guess I am now officially looking for an actual job (preferably one that doesn't require being polite to drunk, lecherous customers). So if you know of one that you think I'd be good at let me know. Because I honestly have no idea. In fact I am not really sure what marketable skills I have. Besides literacy. And opening stubborn bottles of wine. So let me know, internet. What's my next move?

Time In New York

So it's been almost a month and I can't apologize enough for being such a jerk about updating. I forgot how busy life can be in New York. I have been trying to put my finger on why exactly one city should feel inherently more busy than any other, and I honestly am not quite sure. If I were to list possibilities for why they would be:

1) There are so many things to do, it seems like no matter what you're doing you ought to be doing something else. Like if you are having lunch with a friend at two, then you want to finish by four so you can get the reduced price bagels from the guy on University Place (though that's only true on Mondays, and since the bagels are now 35 cents instead of 25, I rarely make the effort).

2) The city is so huge that a large portion of the day is spent getting from one very important thing to another. Last year when I lived in the East Village (which for those of you in Amsterdam is in downtown Manhattan), I walked everywhere and pretty much limited my social interactions to the twenty block area which vaguely represents that neighborhood. Now that I am in Brooklyn (all the way across the river!) I take the subway places, and once I am on the subway I am much more willing to travel farther. Also, spending seventy dollars on a monthly pass is incentive to use the subway as much as possible.

3)Bars are open till four. Which means, I often stay out till four (maybe frequently more than often). Which means I rarely get up in the mornings before it is absolutely necessary. Pathetic.

4)My life here has lots of responsibilities. In addition to school work and class, I am also working again (and much less broke because of it!). On top of that, I have begun to nurture two tiny and wonderful plants. Although they aren't looking that great right now:


5)New York is so large and weighs so heavily on the fabric of the fabric of the universe that time actually passes here in warped and unwieldy ways. Honestly.

Quick Update

Greetings from Brooklyn, New York City and My New Apartment! How are all of you? Well, I am cold. The heat here is not so good. Neither is the level of filfth. That is, it's too high. Unfortunately spatial limitations dictate that the backdrop for my copious self-portrait photos will be sadly vacant of all Irish Literary Greats. Mea Culpa. But here I am, never the less. And yes, that is a sweater vest. It's an experiment.



So I am back at my old job, waiting tables and pouring wine. It's basically the same. My new apartment is cheap, but otherwise a little unsatisfying. Classes are good. And, basically, I am just incredibly busy. But I hope to settle down and start writing more regularly soon. I'll start taking extra note of hilarity with which to regale you all. But until then, know I am thinking of you.

Urgent Alert: Seal Terror!

It is with great sadness that I relate to you, dear readers, that a harp seal "adolescent" has been shot. Shamefully, it was in the waters off the coast of my home state, Massachusetts, that this dastardly deed was done. It is an unfortunately common practice for fishmermen to shoot seals found in fertile fishing areas. In this particular case, the (as yet unknown) shooter used a shotgun (that's the nasty kind that puts lots of painful little pellets into bodies instead of one bullet). And to make matters worse, the harp seal is fairly rare in Massachusetts, so this particular pinniped was our guest!

Perhaps some of you are not aware of my fondness for seals, but you can expect more important updates about all marine mammals in the future. Until then, do keep your eyes peeled and your ears to the ground as the hunt for this villan continues.

The Continuing Story of Ronjo, The Tiki God

So lots of people ask me lately why I chose to study abroad in Amsterdam. If only our lives were so radically digitized that I could immediately link them to this article.

Puppy Beer.

I know I am a shithead about updates. But I found an apartment, I'm working again, I turned in my colloquium rationale on Monday (only two and three-quarters months late!) and once I finish this ridiculous paper for Saskia "I Will Kill Any Joy Performance Ever Brought You" Kersenboom I will be back to my normal schedule of homework and procrastination about finishing said homework.

I will also make a New Year's blog-resolution to avoid run-on sentences.

Till then, a photo story of a run in with an angry Tiki god in the off season in Montauk:



Ronjo holds court at the base of the desolate motel. His giant gleaming red mouth moistens as he remembers the copious tan bodies which crowded his lap all summer.



Unfortunate and unwitting Joshua happens upon the ravenous god. Overcome by his majesty, Joshua takes pains to show his respect.... Nay, admiration... Nay, LOVE! for this glorious being.



Sadly, Ronjo will not be moved.



Thinking it is taking Joshua a long time to get a sandwich, I go after him. Death hangs in the air as I approach the idol.



"Are you really gone, my love?"



Fighting back the tears and gathering all my courage, I challenge this Ronjo.



But Ronjo will not be moved.

Things I Will Miss Most

And that was just the last night....


Merry Christmas to all of you. Stay tuned for updates about my re-acclimation process and hilarious tales of the stress of graduating and finding an apartment and job and life. It should be a very happy new year.

Things I Will Not Miss: Blue Gatorade

It's fucking awful.

Help Me Out, New York

So I am feeling pretty down on leaving Amsterdam and I'll probably post another Thing I Will Miss really soon, but for now why don't you remind me of all the great things I am coming back to. I have started a list, as you can see, but other than the company of your lovely selves, I'm a little stuck. Let me know!

Things I Will Miss: Comestibles

So, I do a lot of complaining about Dutch cuisine. And while there are many things I will be glad to never think about again (raw herring? those pate salads? unrefrigerated sausages?), I have grown quite attatched to certain foods and beverages that just won't be available to me in New York.

1. Stroopwaffles Should any of you find yourself in Amsterdam at some point it is imperitive that you try the fresh, warm stroopwaffels at the Albert Cuyp Market. A treasure. Warm, gooey, a little cinnamon-ey.... and so, so delicious. I am planning to have my last one *sniff* on Thursday.

2. Vla It's so much better than pudding! And I'm really not sure why. It comes in milk-style cartons and you could practically drink it. Maybe it seems healthier, or at least higher in calcium than a Snack Pac. If you get the chance, try the "dubble vla" (double vla) in chocolate/vanilla. Like Hoodsie cups of our youth! Only in near-liquid form!

3. Cheap Wine Do you remember that time we bought wine for $1.99 in New York? Lost Vineyards was the brand? No? You can't remember? Because the vile substance (which might have been cleverly packaged fermented Welch's grape juice) erased your memory of the evening? Well, over here it's a different story. While it's usually more satisfying to go for a 3 or 4 Euro bottle (OMG the Aliwen Sauvignon Blanc is just the most delicious 13% alcohol white wine of all time), you can easily drink the 1.89 grocery store Rioja.

4. Cheese It's just. so. good.

Things I Will Miss: My Shower

This is the first installment of a new, questionably-regular feature called Things I Will Miss. In all liklihood it won't last much longer than the process of writing the paper I am currently not writing. Which is to say, Tuesday. Hopefully. But I just wanted to commemorate in words and images some of the finer things in my life here in Amsterdam. And the first object of praise is my shower.
Having showered regularly in six different places in 2006, I would like to state without reservation that the shower at Meer en Vaart 442 is by far the best I have experienced. Maybe even ever. I, like most people, I imagine, look for lots of water pressure and inexhaustible amounts of hot water when evaluating "shower awesomeness levels." This shower, my friends, has both to spare. If you aren't accustomed to the positioning of the faucets you might even burn yourself or bruise your skin with the pressure (probably hyperbolic). The room billows with steam. The water on my back is like a thousand little cat tongues insistently massaging away my stress. Or whatever.
It is not merely the superior heat and pressure which make this particular showering experience perfect. It is the design of the shower itself. It is just a shower head in the corner of the bathroom, unseparated from the toilet or sink by a curtain or a tub. At first, I admit this was difficult. The toilet seat gets wet and the toilet paper can get a little damp from the condensation sometimes. But then, I began to realize the benefits. As I have mentioned before, the ability to position a coffee cup within reach but outside the spray of the water has exponentially improved my mornings. And afterwards I just brush my teeth. And not with hot shower water (hot water brushing is gross). I use the cold faucet of the sink. Without the chill of leaving the shower.

It's also really great to have the mirror right there over the sink. I have to swipe away the fog with my hands a couple times, but plucking my eyebrows has never been less painful. My skin is so soft and open from the warm water. Additionally the mirror can provide a great deal of amusement when I enjoy a small joint before showering in the evenings. I play a game called Scary Mermaid which basically involves smearing the mascara that is running down my face and making viscious, come-hither looks at myself in the mirror.
After the cleansing, plucking, caffinating, tooth-brushing ordeal I am relaxed and ready to start the day:

Tangental Update

So I just put my sister on a plane back to Boston. Which marks the end of the last visit I will recieve in Amsterdam, barring one of you surprising me tomorrow morning (this is recommended). But I crossed some very important things off the meta-To-Do list of the semester including the Heineken Brewery (just great!) and the Expressionist exhibit at the Van Gough Museum (they really over-sold the Kandinsky. There are only two paintings of his). Additionally I spent more time under the influence of substances that aren't legal (or "tolerated") at home than perhaps the whole rest of the semester combined. Which is a good way to end things, I suppose.

Another long term goal I attained this week was finally getting a white leather bag (a quest Leila and Doug might remember from the way I eyed the ones Italian police officers wear). It was a great deal and I really love it and my old purse is on it's last legs. I do feel a little ridiculous buying things for myself with Christmas right around the corner and not a single gift bought. Who am I kidding though? It's clearly going to be stroopwaffles for all.
And so, I am becoming more and more preoccupied with moving back to New York and the pending culture shock of that experience (and the general shock of finishing college in May). I'll just repeat for any of you who are so unlucky as to not be my facebook OR myspace friend that I am looking for an apartment that is cheap, doesn't require a year lease and reasonably easy to get to NYU from. It seems like moving back will be especially depressing because I'll have just missed that magical Christmas In New York feeling that's everywhere in December. Instead it will just be the Depressed But At Least The Bars Are Open Late feeling that takes over in January. I'd like to take this opportunity to warn all of you that I have not maintained my tolerance of alcohol while abroad and if you make me take shots I might vomit. I also go to bed by one most nights.
But for now I am just trying to write my last paper so I can do fun things and have a great time with the people I have met here who I will miss veryvery much. I am trying to look at it as an incredible opportunity to visit friends in exciting places in the future, but I also feel like I am just getting to know a lot of people and it's sad to leave them. Sigh. So complicated.
Ok. If I post again really soon just yell at me and tell me to go write my paper.