Fresh Starts

I got an email the other day from a dear friend. I don't think she's an "old friend," not because I have only known her a short time (I've known her for longer than seems possible). And not (unfortunately) because I am currently in such great touch with her. She's not an old friend because there is no bookend on our relationship. But it was one of those lovely, out of the blue, missives that makes keeping in touch feel like a much easier project after all. Which is true and not true. It's very easy. But you have to do it. Like laundry. Simple to do but overwhelming when you put it off. Exactly. Keeping in touch is like laundry. I should have been a poet. Anyway, I wrote an email to this friend, updating her a bit on the basics. But she mentioned that she still sometimes looks for news of me on this blog. And it occured to me that eventhough from my perspective there seems to be very little to relate about me, I still have lots of keeping in touch to do. There are so many things I haven't told you over the years, that I know you'd like to know. And because there are all of these limitations keeping you from pulling up a chair in my yellow-walled kitchen and talking it all over with me, I think I should talk to you here. The thing is, I cannot write about my life right now. At least not directly. Really because I hate how unhappy I sound when I talk about my life. Hate it because I am unhappy, yes, clearly. But also hate the way I can't see my situation in any more positive light. There is one. And I know I'll see it some day, but right now it's beyond me. So I am going to tell you a story. It's a story that I have been wanting to tell you, my dear- but not really old- friends. And you'll like it because it's a love story. I think. I don't know the ending yet, but I'll tell it in parts. And then when I go off and try for this- very possibly- crazy idea of a relationship you'll be hoping that it works out. Or maybe when you hear about it all you'll call me on the phone to tell me what an idiot I am. But that might be a nice ending too, right? Cause we'll be talking on the phone and you'll be giving me advice, just like when we saw eachother all the time.