Pi Day:A Candied Bacon is Possible

I must begin my pie day post with two warnings. The first is: no matter how many pies you have made, you must never be cavalier about how much water you add to your dough. Wet dough won't roll out. It's as simple as that. The second warning is more dire: you might have the means of making candied bacon in your house right now. I know, you're thinking, "Candied bacon is a rare delicacy, reserved for artisan confectioners with booths at flea markets and bespoke neckties." But it is not. It is easy to make. And- unsurprisingly- it's a delicious addition to nearly anything.

I decided late in the game to observe the pun-influenced celebration of pie on March 14. Things have been pretty tough in my professional life lately and it seemed like a good way to blow off steam. And nothing makes a bad week shorter than coming home to a slice of pie every night. I wanted to do something fun and interesting, but I didn't want it to be too experimental. I thought about variations on crust and variations on filling. In the end, I was inspired by two recent desserts I've eaten. One was the promising, but ultimately disappointing Bacon Apple Cheddar Pie at The Blue Stove (it is a peril to my health that this store is so near my house) and the other was a simple but transcendent apple crisp at Dumont.

Over the course of the day I tossed around various apple pie experiments I might try. A part wheat crust. Cheddar cheese. Peanut butter. I remembered reading a recipe recently that described a simple method for making candied bacon. Eager to correct the failed crumble topping from my Pancake Bread Pudding, I began to dream up an apple pie topped with crumbled, salty-sweet bacon bits. Many of you know that I am no stranger to having a piece of bacon or two with a slice of apple pie. I can think of few breakfasts I would rather eat. I had never put bacon into a pie before because it seemed so likely to take a wrong turn (as in the case of the Blue Stove). By candying the bacon I could preserve it's crispy texture and prevent the fat from overpowering the other ingredients. I laughed a bit to myself, imagining crunchy bits of bacon and pecan all over toothsome, sweet apples. How was I the first to think of this??

I was pleased with the plan. A simple apple pie with a crumb topping. I began to make my crust, whirling the ingredients (I do half butter, half shortening) in my Cuisinart. Then I made my big error. My mother, who is my personal pie guru, swears that while the food processor is ideal for mixing your fats with your flour, you can only get a proper texture by adding the water to bind the crust by hand. I have gambled in the past and won, but yesterday I was not so lucky. The crust seemed softer as I put it in the fridge to chill, but I assumed that was because I had used room temperature shortening (oh vain mortal!). When I tried to roll it out the first time it got all over the rolling pin and was impossible to lift. So I added flour and chilled it again. Still the crust was completely impossible. I ended up finger pressing it into the pan, chastened by the experience.



As I mentioned the candied bacon was a total breeze. I took three strips of bacon from the freezer (I freeze bacon in individual servings because I am a lonely spinster) and let them defrost. I covered both sides of each strip with maple syrup and put them under the broiler. I turned them pretty regularly with tongs and took them out before they looked too crispy. Once it had cooled, the bacon was shiny and hard (do not try to drain it, it is very sticky when hot). I chopped it up into little pieces and mixed it with pecans, butter and brown sugar. I tasted the mixture to make sure it wasn't poison. It was not.



I used two apples (one granny smith, one red of some sort) tossed with a couple teaspoons of sugar and cinnamon (I repeated the process of mixing the cinnamon and sugar beforehand). I filled the crust and sprinkled on the topping. I baked the pie for about 25 minutes. The apples still had a bit of crunch. The topping didn't cover the pie tightly so I wanted to be sure that the filling didn't dry out too much. I have to say, this is one to repeat. The crust wasn't pretty, but the flavor was great. I really liked the texture of the apples (gotta slice em real, real thin). And the scant distribution of the topping kept it from getting too rich.

Weighing In On: Guitar Hero

Is not so great, actually.

Other things that aren't so great are bong hits and staying up until five in the morning eating stuffing and pie.

This weekend has left me exhausted.

The Pie Report: Thanksgiving Recap

Perhaps you thought I was going to go through Thanksgiving without a single mention of pie. Of course you would be DEAD WRONG. One of the benefits of having thirty-nine people over is the volume of pies accumulated. We basically had every major pie group (within seasonal limit).

The Pecan Pie: I was so full by dessert that this is the only pie I had immediately after dinner (other pies were sampled mostly by hand, in front of the fridge at three in the morning). The crust was particularly crumbly, I would guess an all butter, no shortening recipe. But I think this works well with pecan pie. I do like it to be a little gooier but I think that was mostly a function of pan size. For me pecan pie should always be on the crispy side (because of the glorious nut caramelization effect). This one was a strong example of the form.

The Pumpkin Pie: It was not until the Great Leftover Distribution that I realized that my aunt Marian, who has five children and works nights as an ICU nurse, made BOTH this and the pecan pie. Wow. Anyhow I have no agenda against canned pumpkin. In fact the opposite might be true. I would say it's one of my favorite canned vegetables. I am pretty sure the filling started in a can, but the texture was very good. The crust was definitely the same as the pecan, but not as crispy and so not as crumbly. I do like a little whipped cream with my pumpkin, but generally our desserts were without garnish, so it is forgiven.

The Creative Pie: There's usually one dessert made each Thanksgiving that breaks with tradition. My family is pretty big on tradition so it's never anything too crazy. This year my mom's cousin Joanie made a cranberry apple pie. The filling was really quite tasty. It might have been a bit more tart, but with a group like this you probably want to play it safe (to my shock and dismay the chocolate birthday cake was significantly more popular than any pie in attendance). My major critiques were pan depth (too shallow) and crispness of crust. Although the sugary, pale crust can be quite tasty and is certainly typical in recipes involving strawberry-rubarb fillings, I am always in favor of a more golden, more flakey crust.

The Family Tradition: Since I was a child the swiss chocolate pie has been a staple of the Thanksgiving stable. My uncle John's birthday is the 22 of November and it's his favorite so usually my grandmother makes it. My grandmother isn't particularly interested in the tedium of making crusts so normally the pie consists of a chocolate filling in a pre-made graham cracker crust with whipped cream topping. My aunt Allie made the pie this year and did a cookie crust from scratch. It was stilling very gooey (the pie needs to be served at near freezing and we were low on freezer room yesterday) but quite tasty nonetheless. I am obviously more partial to the spiced offerings (apple, pumpkin) but this was the only dessert to yield no leftovers.

The Apple: My mom makes amazing apple pie. This is actually a proven fact. She brought one to Maine when we went with Josh, Ryan and Alex and they still talk about it. And honestly I didn't even have any yesterday. Because while apple pie with a little melting scoop of vanilla ice cream (we didn't even have ice cream yesterday) may taste pretty fantastic after a meal, nothing compares with a breakfast slice with some bacon or chicken apple sausages on the side. And that is the thing I am truly thankful for.



*In addition to the briefly mentioned chocolate fudge birthday cake there was also a cheesecake and pie crust cookies called "zizis" in the dessert spread.